HUMILITY

For over 20 years I have been regularly attending a men’s Al-anon meeting. What I have learned in that meeting and from my brothers there has been an important part of my ability to deal with my ALS. Last Saturday I spoke (using my technology) at the meeting on the subject of humility and as I prepared I realized how much similarity there was between what I was saying there and what I have been writing on this blog. Here is part of what I said.

I believe that humility is the core of the seventh step, and the key to achieving the serenity the program promises. Humility reaffirms the powerlessness we acknowledged in the first step, but now becomes the foundation for our whole new powerful lives based on living the principles of the program.

Humility does not mean sitting passively in the back row as life passes by. It requires us to engage life with passion and integrity.

Before I understood and embraced humility I expected the universe to revolve around me. I can remember being caught in a traffic jam, and becoming angry because all the other cars on the road were making things inconvenient for me. I really said to myself, “What are all these drivers doing on the road when I need to go somewhere really important.”

As I gave up the enormous burden of being the world’s Master, I was able to be more flexible to accept the real challenges, pressures, and stresses of daily life. I now have more patience and understanding with others.

As I became more humble, I began to realize that I was not a god, and things did not have to work the way I want. When I expected things to work out in my favor and they didn’t, it caused a lot of stress.

When I learned to live with humility, I realized that it became much harder to walk around feeling superior and needing to “fix” everyone around me.

When I accepted my humility, I was able to let go of the feelings of shame that had locked me into frustration and unhappiness. As I become vulnerable, I entered a world in which I began to be honest with myself and others about my feelings and thoughts and begin living a more authentic life.

I have learned that achieving humility requires a positive act – a profound leap of faith to acknowledge and accept my humility. As with the second step, it is not simply surrender. It took a deliberate commitment to a decision and action. But the rewards for this hard work have been life changing.

I have become humble in the face of my ALS. I have come to understand that acceptance of my journey frees me from the burden of fixing others or myself. I have become grateful that needing to pay careful attention to every move almost forces me to live in the moment, leaving little time for shame, regrets, over-thinking, or feelings of superiority.

Accepting the vulnerability that comes with humility, I can be open to the overwhelming expressions of support, and am being nourished by, the loving connections to so many family and friends. My earlier embrace of arrogance and hubris did not produce any comparable positive outcomes.

Continuing that theme of humility, it has been one of those bittersweet weeks – there seem to have been a lot of them recently.

I had a birthday – I have entered my 70th year. I am working hard to wrap my head around that. While I did have some feelings of disappointment that I am not where I had hoped to be at this point in my life, I was incredibly buoyed by the number of sincere expressions from friends – one of the positive side effects of Facebook.

I have managed to go almost two weeks now without another fall – paying attention does have its rewards. Even old guys can learn.

I played an active role as part of my Reston Interfaith board chair responsibilities. I used my voice technology to make remarks at a fundraising event and to chair a board meeting. It’s much harder than I had assumed it would be a year ago, but I can still be effective.

I had great visits with old and new friends who seem not too discouraged by my speech weakness.

My feeding tube was replaced by a “button” which should make my eating life much easier.

Approaching the world and my disease from a perspective of humility enables me to appreciate the opportunities that life is presenting for love, humor and service. When the roll is called every morning I am determined to answer “present”.

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10 Responses to HUMILITY

  1. Carole says:

    As always, “well said”, Stuart. Our grandchildren are extremely fortunate to have your love and wisdom in their lives. It is much appreciated and treasured.

  2. Bruce Hill says:

    Stu,
    I met Roz at the grocery store yesterday. I was surprised and saddened to learn of your illness. I must tell you, I am amazed, and inspired by your writings. I don’t think I have ever read anything more uplifting, and stimulating. Superb! Such an attitude will serve you well. If you would like me to stop by for a short visit, just let me know. Either way, I’ll understand.
    Regards,
    Bruce Hill

  3. Eva Keach says:

    Beatifully written,Stu. You are an inspiration to so many of us. It’s a privilege to read your writings.God bless…

  4. tmurphy58 says:

    Stu … I am humbled by your writings and perspectives. I am very glad to have made your acquaintance and to be one of your friends and supporters. Tom

  5. Susan Roberts says:

    Stu,
    While I haven’t kept in touch, as I promised, Carolyn has been keeping me current. This is a beautiful piece. Your talent and insight are really wonderful and envied. Happy Belated Birthday.
    Susan

  6. Margaret says:

    Stuart, I know you are a beautiful person through Roz. Now I know you are a beautiful writer. Thank you.

    Margaret

  7. Angus says:

    Stuart, I am finally able to reach out to you after having learned from Paul of both the ALS and Drinking Through a Straw. Over the years, I was always humbled by your wit and wisdom and am now so pleased to be able to say I love you and am holding you in my prayers. Happy Birthday, my friend. Angus

  8. Bruce Kramer says:

    amen Stuart, amen.

  9. terri says:

    Stu, thanks…. We’re good friends with Sandy and Dick, and she told me about your blog. thank you so so much for the eloquent blog…..and the grace and the wisdom.

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